


Once in a Lifetime

by thundercaya



Series: Exterminator!Steve [8]
Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Curses, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Public Speaking, Reanimation, quinceañera
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-12
Updated: 2014-02-12
Packaged: 2018-01-12 01:21:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1180221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thundercaya/pseuds/thundercaya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve tries to salvage his daughter's birthday party. Cecil's old roommate finds out you only live once.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Best Laid Plans

**Author's Note:**

> For more on Benny, check out my fic [Honor.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1099830)

"CGPHTFB."

 A woman's voice. Familiar.

 "Benjamín Contreras."

The accent not quite right, but a commendable effort.

"Benny."

There we go.

Benny opened his eyes to find a woman's face, freckled, with green eyes and plastic framed glasses, peering into his own. Seeing that he was responsive, she smiled and sat back.

"Hello, Benny," she said. "Do you know who I am?"

"STCRTFB," he said without hesitation. Bella Masters. Looking past her he realized that they were in a re-education room and he was therefore lying on a re-education table. Shit, was he in some kind of trouble? Should he have pretended not to know who she was? A jolt of panic shot through him, and he tried to sit up on instinct. He expected straps to stop his movement, but much to his surprise, he wasn't strapped down. What stopped him instead was a rush of pain throughout his body. Benny hissed, falling back into his prone position.

"Oh, calm down, sweetheart," Bella said. "You might want to relax a moment and get your bearings. It's been seven years since you died."

"Died?" Benny repeated. "What do you mean I--" It came back to him then. The lottery. The wolves, ripping him apart. Agonizing pain. "Oh, void above, I _did_." A beat. "Am I dead _now_?"

"Well, you're not breathing, are you," Bella said more than asked, and Benny realized with a start that he wasn't. "But your parts _did_ reattach when we gave them room to assemble, and you seem to be sentient. That's good."

"How did this happen?" Benny asked. "Was it the elephant leg?" Benny had contact with the cursed leg his entire life, from hiding his toys inside of it during childhood to taking it with him when he moved from his parents' house. It wasn't a stretch to think that the curse had rubbed off on him.

"Very good!" Bella said. "That _is_ what we think caused it. The wolves did quite a number on you, but they refused to actually eat you. We went to see why, and, well, everything was _twitching,_ so we gathered you up and put you away while we figured out what to do. Sorry you had to sit in a box in a storage closet for seven years. That's bureaucracy for you."

"Okay," Benny said distantly, still trying to process all of this. Dead, and then not dead. Or still dead, but able to experience. The pain from before had faded a bit, but still wasn't quite gone. Benny couldn't imagine Bella knew much more than him about his present condition, so he wasn't going to ask. Instead he went to the reason he was in this situation in the first place. "The plan. Did it work?"

"Oh, yes, it worked wonderfully," Bella said, knowing exactly what he was talking about. "They only lasted a few more months. Almost no one likes him now. Just his daughter--"

"Your daughter."

"Yes. And a scientist."

"Doctor--"

"Not anyone you know. A newer scientist." Bella raised her eyebrows. "A moderately attractive _outsider_ in his early thirties and _going_ _gray_." The weight she put behind the words was unnecessary; Benny knew Cecil well enough to get it.

"The Voice is in love with him."

"Look at you, sharp as ever. It's worse than that; they're dating."

"The Voice's boyfriend is friends with the Exterminator? It's only a matter of time until--"

"It's already happening. They went on a double date."

"Who would--"

"A Desert Bluffian named Kevin."

Genuine disgust. "Tell me again why you haven't killed him?"

Bella smiled. "Job security, sweetheart. Well, for me, I mean. You're actually fired."

"What?"

"We pulled your file out so we could have it ready if you came to, but it caught fire and burned to ashes," Bella explained. "We tried to write you up a new one and the _officer_ caught fire and burned to ashes. It's like you were never here." She leaned in close, expression hard. "Except of course you _were_ , and if you ever share that fact with anyone or betray any information about us, we will cut off your head and hide it where no one will ever find it." She sat back, smiling. "Understood?"

Of course he understood, but she needn't have worried; Benny would never do anything to betray Night Vale.

***

Nothing wore Steve out quite like a pool weasel job. It was a long process because of their speed and the way they reproduced, and no matter how hard he tried to avoid it he invariably ended up in the water. Steve slept like the dead after pool weasel jobs, and he was still in this deep sleep the next morning when his phone rang. Very few people called Steve's personal number, and the ones who did had their own ringtones. When he finally woke up enough to recognize the default tone for what it was, he groped his nightstand for his phone and prepared himself for a prank call.

"Hello?" he said, voice thick.

"Is this Steve Carlsberg?" came a woman's voice.

"Yes, but if you're calling about a job--"

"No, this is Sara Macintosh at the Community Center. You booked us for a quinceañera?"

"Yes, that's right," Steve said.

"Well, there was a mistake and we double-booked. You're going to have to move your event."

"Wait what?" Steve said, sitting up. "Can't the other event--"

"No," Sara cut in. "The other event has priority for not being yours. Now, assuming you want your event on a weekend, the next opening _after_ the date you selected is in June--"

"What?! June?!

"--but there's also an opening _this_ Saturday. Shall I put you down?"

"Now hold on," Steve said. "That's way too soon."

"June then?"

Steve ran a hand down his face. "Fine," he said. "Fine. This Saturday."

***

"This Saturday?!" Stella practically shrieked.

"I know, honey. I'm really sorry."

"No one's gonna be able to come!"

"I'm sure people will show up. I mean, what's going on this weekend? I haven't heard anything."

"Okay," Stella said, pushing her hand through her hair and taking deep breaths. "Okay. I'll go ahead and call...every single one of my friends."

"You do that, sweetheart," Steve said, kissing the top of her head. "I'll take care of everything else."

***

Benny's mother didn't exactly welcome him back with open arms, at least not before locking him in a closet and performing several rituals to make sure there were no malevolent spirits inhabiting his body. Of course he could have easily escaped, but as escape was not his goal he simply waited for her to finish reassuring herself and let him out. After a lot of crying on her part he explained to her what happened, minus the involvement of the Sheriff's Secret Police. He'd been torn into several small pieces, so he didn't think it was a stretch to think that his parts had taken such a long time to find each other and become reattached. He was dreading having to explain and prove himself over and over again to all of his old friends and anyone else who remembered him, though. Then it hit him: he only needed to convince Cecil, then Cecil would tell everybody else.

***

Benny wasn't sure if the pain would ever go away, but that didn't interfere with his stealth. He stayed out of sight while listening around town for where Cecil might be. He caught up to the radio host on the way to Carlos' lab and pretended to be coming out of Big Rico's.

"Cecil!" he called, acting surprised, though delightedly so. "Hey! Hey, Cecil!"

Cecil stopped when he heard his name, and as his inquisitive gaze landed on Benny, his eyes went wide with recognition.

"Benny?" he said, but before the other man could answer, he was backing up and putting a post box between them. "No. Benny is dead."

"No, I-- Well, yes, I am," Benny said, taking slow steps toward Cecil, hands raised like a surrender. Not that he and Cecil couldn't both kill rather efficiently with just their hands. "But it's okay. I'm back and, uh, I'm not possessed or anything. Really."

"I don't believe you," Cecil said, circling the post box, keeping it between them. He scanned Benny, who had traded his torn outfit for some khaki shorts and a green t-shirt his brother had left at his mother's house and forgotten about. "Benny doesn't wear bright clothing. His favorite color is black."

"Actually," Benny said, "it's dark dark dark, dark dark dark, dark dark dark dark, dark dark dark, dark dark, gray."

Cecil nodded along with each "dark," counting them. When Benny finished he stopped circling and grinned. "It is you!" He came around the box and closed the space between the two of them, pulling Benny into a hug. "Oh, this is simply wonderful! If I could bring back to life any one of my friends, you would absolutely be my second or third choice!"

Benny considered being offended, but honestly, Cecil wouldn't be his first choice either. Besides, his mother updated him on some of the things that had happened while he was out, and he figured that Cecil was probably thinking of Earl Harlan.

"It's good to see you, too, Cecil," he said, patting the radio hosts' back.

Cecil moved back from the hug, holding Benny's shoulders and looking up at his face. "You haven't aged a day."

"Neither have you."

"That's sweet," Cecil said. "It's a lie, but it's sweet. Goodness, Benny, I just-- Wow. You know, I wanted to give your family back your elephant leg, but when I got back to the apartment that night it was gone. Or perhaps it was never really there at all."

"That's nice of you, Cecil. I appreciate that." He meant it, too. He knew he would have liked Cecil a lot more if he hadn't constantly been around him.

"So Benny, are you looking for a roommate?"

"No, no I moved back in with my mom," Benny said, glad he didn't have to tell Cecil that he didn't want to live with him again. "I guess technically I don't _need_ a place to stay. I don't sleep. At all. Don't eat, either. Don't know that I _can't_ , but as far as I can tell I don't need to, so why waste my mom's food?"

"That sounds convenient!" Cecil said.

"Oh, sure," Benny confirmed. "It's convenient. And boring. Do you have any idea how much time we kill sleeping? Eating? Looking _forward_  to sleeping and eating? How those things break our days up into manageable chunks? I've never been so bored, Cecil. I've only been back since yesterday and I have no idea how I'm going to do this for the rest of forever. I don't even have the fear of death to keep me occupied. It was such a huge part of life, Cecil. Fearing death. And now that's gone, too."

"Oh, Benny," Cecil said, a grin blooming on his face. "Oh, poor bored undead Benny. I think I know just the thing for you. You should apply as an intern at the station! Of course you wouldn't be paid, but you've already established you don't need money. But it would give you something to do! And you could get right up close and personal with the most exciting and dangerous news and actually come back! Oh, it would improve my reports so much, I just know it."

"Wow," Benny said. "I didn't even consider-- That would be great, Cecil. I'll definitely apply. Thank you." He grinned sheepishly. "You know, I've been awfully rude. How are _you_ , doing, Cecil?"

"I've been fantastic!" Cecil said. "The show is more popular than ever, and I have a new boyfriend. He's perfect and smart and _so_ attractive. You just have to meet him, Benny."

"Oh, you're not with Steve anymore?" Benny asked, feigning surprise.

Cecil averted his gaze. "We broke up a long time ago. After you died, I moved in with him and.... Well, it didn't work out."

"I'm sorry to hear that," Benny said. "I _would_ love to meet the new guy sometime."

"Yes, we'll have to get together soon. It'll be great, but right now, I actually have a date which I'm now late for. I'm helping him with science today."

"Well, hell! Don't let me keep you!" Benny said. "Have a good time. You know where to find me."

***

Steve didn't bring Carlos every weird thing he killed, because he killed too many of them. There was, however, an agreement that Steve would bring Carlos any weird thing he caught alive, and so Steve stood at the door of Carlos' lab, a cage containing a live pool weasel under his arm, and rang the bell.

Carlos answered the door, Cecil behind him. Cecil was never happy when Steve showed up at the lab during one of their dates, but then Cecil was never happy when Steve showed up anywhere ever.

"Hi, Steve," Carlos greeted.

"Hey, Carlos," Steve said. He made eye contact with Cecil. "Cecil."

Cecil nodded, straight-faced.

"Thanks for coming by," Carlos said, moving to let Steve in. Steve entered and handed Carlos the cage.

"It's no problem," he said. "I needed to talk to you guys, anyway. Predictably, I got screwed because I'm me, so now Stella's quince is this Saturday. I hope you can still make it. I understand if you can't, but I hope you can. But I understand if you can't. But--"

"Well, sure we can make it," Cecil interrupted. "We wouldn't miss it."

Carlos looked at Cecil. "Really, babe? Not that I'm not willing to postpone our fancy dinner plans, but I would've expected you to at least gripe about it a bit."

"Carlos, honey, it's Stella's _quince_. That's once in a lifetime."

"I didn't think anyone but Latinos cared that much about quinceañeras," Carlos said.

"It's kind of a thing here in Night Vale," Steve explained. "All the kids have them. Latina or not. The boys, too, and anyone else."

"You didn't tell me about _your_ quince," Carlos said to Cecil.

"That's because I don't remember it."

"Well, you heard Cecil," Carlos said. "We'll be there."

"Solid," Steve said. "Now I just have to call back the caterer, the new DJ that the old DJ recommended, Kevin--"

Steve's phone went off: Kevin's text tone.

 __"Aaaand there he is." Steve pulled out his phone.

\-- _Thinking of you. How are you, dearest?_

"Speak of the devil and he doth text," Cecil said.

"Cecil," Carlos scolded.

"It's an expression!" Cecil defended. "If you think it's apt, you're the one with the issue."

Steve was unaware of this exchange, much too relieved to pay attention to much else just then. He didn't like to call Kevin out of nowhere, afraid of interrupting him if he was _with_ someone, and not sure how he'd deal with it if Kevin told him so. He liked to think that Kevin contacting _him_ meant Kevin was alone, and craving his company in particular. Steve typed his response back, a grin on his face.

_Kind of stressed out, actually. Have you got a minute?_

"Are you sexting?" Cecil demanded, accusingly.

"Oh, sure," Steve said, rolling his eyes. "Because me and my non-existent poker face could absolutely get away with sexting in public."

"Non-existent poker face and _I_ ," Cecil corrected.

"Yeah, yeah," Steve dismissed. Kevin's response came in. Steve's eyes went wide and his face went red. "Excuse me," he said, his voice slightly higher than before. He grabbed the handle of the nearest door and went through it, ending up in a stock closet.

" _Now_ he's sexting," Cecil said.

"Oh come on!" Carlos shouted at the door.

Rather than text Kevin back, Steve dialed his number.

"Hello Steve, my dearest," Kevin purred into the phone. "Did you want to continue our conversation... orally?"

"I wish I could, Cheshire Cat, but I needed to talk to you about something." Quickly Steve added; "it's nothing bad. Just, well, I hate to bring this up so last-minute, but there was a scheduling error and-- Well, Stella is having her quinceañera on Saturday, so--"

"Oh, Steve, I'd love to go!" Kevin said excitedly.

Steve winced. "Yeeeah. I'd love to go, too, but I actually can't. If I went, no one else would show up, so I'll be making myself scarce instead."

"Do you really think that would happen?" Kevin asked.

"It has happened. She and I always do something together later, but I haven't been to one of her parties in ages. What I was actually wondering was.... Well, do you think you could...."

"You want me to keep you company while you're _not_ at the party?" Kevin tried.

"Yes, that would be wonderful," Steve said.

"Of course, dearest," Kevin said. "I'll be there."

***

"That was fast," Cecil commented when Steve emerged from the closet.

"I wasn't sexting, dammit!"

"No, I don't suppose Kevin--" Cecil broke off suddenly. "Wait, no, never mind. I just stopped myself from saying something rude to you, so that means I get to ask you for a favor."

"Is that what it means?" Steve asked flatly.

"Have you really been without friends for so long that you've forgotten how friendship works?"

"So what, we're friends now?" Steve asked, eyebrow arched.

"Tentatively," Cecil said. " _Anyway_ , can my friend Benny come to Stella's quince?"

"Benny?" Steve repeated, finding the name familiar. "Benny who?"

"Benny Contreras. My old roommate? You remember."

"Your-- Wait, the one who _died_?"

"Yes, that's him."

Steve tilted his head. "He's... not dead anymore?"

"No, no, he's still dead," Cecil explained. "But he is sentient. He's staring down eternity and finds it rather dull. I think a party would help."

"Is he a zombie?"

"He doesn't seem to be."

"Uh...." Steve looked to Carlos, who shrugged unhelpfully. "I'll... have to ask Stella. It's her party. But I'll get back to you."

***

When Steve entered the house, he found Stella pacing the living room, her phone to her ear. She ceased her pacing and looked up when she noticed him. She held up a finger. One sec. "Yeah," she said into the phone. "No, I don't mind at all. A little late is just fine. Yeah, I'm glad, too. See you in class." She hung up. "That was the last one," she told her father. " _Please_ tell me I have music and food."

"It's taken care of," Steve said, going to the kitchen for a glass of water.

Stella dropped onto the couch. "Oh, thank _God_. I didn't want to have to call everyone back and tell them _not_ to come."

"So they _are_ all coming?" Steve asked, joining her on the couch with his glass.

"Mostly," Stella said with a shrug. "A couple can't, but what are you gonna do?"

"And your mother?"

"She'll be there."

"I'll need a final count, then, so I can update the caterer. And while we're on the subject, Cecil wanted to know if his old friend could come."

"Do I know him?" Stella asked.

"No, " Steve said. "He died before you could meet him."

"Died?" Stella tilted her head the way Steve had earlier. "Is he a zombie?"

"I'm not really sure," Steve admitted. "Cecil says he's cool, but I don't know. I think he could be dangerous."

"Anyone could be dangerous," Stella shrugged. "It's not like I won't be armed."

"But if he's already dead--"

"I know, Dad. Headshot and decapitation. If it doesn't put him down for good, it'll buy me some time. Tell Cecil to go on and invite him."


	2. The Party Don't Start 'Til I Walk In

However tentative Cecil's friendship, Steve appreciated his and Carlos' help decorating for the party. When Stella was ready, she called Steve to pick her up. Kevin was already at the house when Steve arrived. He'd wanted to help with decorating, but Steve didn't want him to work after making the drive out just for him.

"I do still want to help," Kevin said. He handed his keys to Steve. "Here. Take my car."

"Kevin, you're my hero," Stella said; though Steve was taking better care of his car these days, the Corolla was still a piece of shit.

***

Stella and Steve were quiet on the short drive. A few cars were parked outside of the community center when they got there. Bella's was among them, so hopefully she was greeting the early guests. Once parked, Steve turned to his daughter, who was staring out her window.

"You look beautiful, sweetheart."

Stella looked him, distressed. "Dad--" she began, but Steve raised his palm.

"Stella, listen, this isn't your fault, okay? It's mine. I'm your parent; I'm supposed to make sacrifices for you. Not the other way around. Okay?"

Stella nodded and took a deep breath. "Okay."

"Good. Now. Have fun, huh?" He clapped her on the shoulder. "You deserve it."

***

As ashamed as he was to admit it, Benny had been looking forward to Stella's party. He hadn't heard back from the radio station, so he was still without much to get him through his days. He helped his mom here and there, but there wasn't really anything to get him out of the house. He considered spying on Cecil, to try to grasp something of his old life, but Bella told him explicitly that he was not to engage in any vigilantism. Assuming decapitation didn't void his sentience, how much more bored would he be without access to his mother's Netflix account?

Cecil caught him coming in the door. "Benny!" he greeted, beaming. "So glad you could make it! I'd like you to meet my perfect Carlos. Believe the hype."

"Don't listen to him," Carlos said, putting his hand out to shake. "Whatever you may have heard about me, I'm just a scientist."

"A scientist is plenty," Benny said, shaking his hand. "So how are you dealing with his snoring?"

"Don't be ridiculous," Cecil said. "I don't snore."

"Yeah, babe," Carlos said. "You kind of do."

Cecil made a face at Carlos and changed the subject. "So one week in? How are you doing, Benny?"

"Fine," Benny shrugged. "As bored as you would imagine, but I did start watching Breaking Bad. The whole thing is on Netflix, right?"

"Yes, it's all there," Cecil said. "And I'm _so_ excited you're watching that show! It's like totally intense."

"Yeah, I'm not very far in, but I'm definitely getting that vibe from it." Benny glanced at Carlos, who aside from having fallen out of the conversation didn't even seem to be aware of it, his eyes locked on Benny's unmoving ribcage. "Cecil, don't be alarmed, but your boyfriend seems to be staring at my chest."

Carlos snapped back into attention and turned red. "No, I-- It's just-- You don't breathe, do you?"

"No," Benny confirmed.

"How do you talk?"

"I don't know," Benny shrugged.

"Do you have blood?"

"Yeah, but it doesn't flow, seeing as my heart doesn't beat." Benny tugged on his pants leg. "It just kind of pools in my legs and I have to elevate them once in a while."

"What about your other fluids?"

"Carlos," Cecil scolded. "That's personal."

"It's not _that_ personal," Carlos defended "It's not like I asked him... if he experiences sexual urges or anything."

"Carlos!"

"I wasn't asking him!"

"I don't," Benny said. "But I didn't before, either, so that's probably not helpful."

"You should go say hi to the birthday girl," Cecil said. "You know. Before Carlos starts trying to do science on you."

Benny didn't have much to say to Stella beyond a greeting. Of course he knew plenty about her, and about her father--at least, seven years ago-- but even if he could mention it without betraying the Sheriff's Secret Police, it wouldn't make very comfortable conversation. "The only thing worse than listening to your dad butcher 'Amor Prohibido' is listening to him banging Cecil." Yeah, no. He gave her her gift and retreated to the snack table. If he was going to find out if he could eat, he might as well do it when there was free food.

***

Carlos mostly played the role of arm candy, drifting in and out of conversations as Cecil made his rounds with the guests as if it were his own party. Carlos wondered vaguely how much his boyfriend's presence helped with convincing people to show up. Of course Stella had friends, and none of the parents had anything against her personally, but she was still Steve's kid. Said kid was currently making rounds of her own, and for an aspiring actress, her smile looked very fake.

"This doesn't feel right, Cecil," Carlos said, nudging Cecil when he was free and nodding toward Stella.

Cecil followed his gaze and frowned. "I have to admit, I agree. She'd be having a better time if her father were here."

"I could go get him," Carlos suggested.

Cecil made a thoughtful noise. "Well, we'd have to ask Stella, of course. But if she wanted you to do that, well... maybe I could get on the mic and talk to everyone. Warm them up to the idea."

Carlos was genuinely surprised. "Really? You'd say something nice about Steve in front of everyone?"

Cecil averted his gaze. "Well, I mean... I could try," he muttered.

"You're the best, Cece," Carlos said.

As soon as Stella was free, Cecil and Carlos approached her.

"Oh, hey you two," she said, turning that forced smile on them. "Having a good time?"

"Yes, we are, thank you," Cecil said."But you're not. If it wouldn't ruin your party too much, would you like Carlos to go pick up your father?"

Carlos shot him a sidelong glance. "Not off to a great start, babe," he said. He looked at Stella then. "But yeah. If you want me to, I'll go get him. Cecil volunteered to work the crowd."

Stella looked at Cecil, just as surprised as Carlos.

"Yes," she said. "Do that."

***

When Steve answered the door, the first thing Carlos noticed was fresh bruising on Steve's throat. He chose to ignore it and instead focused on the fact that Steve looked like he'd been crying.

"Wow," Carlos said. "I didn't realize you were that upset about this."

"What?" Steve asked. "Oh. No, it's not that. We're watching the Selena movie and--"

"Don't say it," Carlos cut in.

"Right. Well, come on in," Steve said, stepping aside to let him do so. He paused. "No, wait." The last time Carlos visited, they'd both been re-educated and Steve had been banished. Of course, at the time Steve had soundproofed windows and now he didn't. "Never mind, it's fine. Come in."

"I'll be quick," Carlos dismissed. "Listen, Stella really wants you at the party. Cecil is trying to get the crowd on your side at least for tonight."

"He is?" Steve asked. "Did something happen to him? Possession? A spell?"

"Haven't ruled that out yet," Carlos said. "I'll look into it when I get back to the party."

"Well, if he's genuinely trying to help I can't just let him do it for nothing."

"Great!" Carlos said. "Let's go."

"Wait," Steve said. "I need to get Kevin. And we need to get dressed. You can head back, though. To check on Cecil."

Only then did Carlos notice that Steve was dressed in running shorts, a Drama Club Parent t-shirt featuring the phrase "Save the Drama for Your Mama," and a pair of those slippers that look like fat sneakers. Arguably better than the furry pants Cecil was wearing, but still not exactly party clothes.

"Oh," Carlos said. "Yeah. Good idea."

***

The DJ of course had no qualms about handing a mic to the most well-known and beloved voice in all of Night Vale. Cecil scanned the crowd and flashed his best smile before starting.

"Good evening, everyone. Great party, right? It's so great to be here. Thank you, Stella, for inviting us all." His smile flickered. "But someone else deserves-- I mean, we should also thank.... Uh...." He swallowed hard. "How about that Steve Carlsberg, huh? Throwing this party for his daughter. Very cool... of him... to do that. The thing." Cecil was staring to sweat, and his expression was a mockery of a grin. "And uh, tarantulas! Should... should be in reading programs! Not our homes. So good. Good on Steve, getting rid of them for us. And, uh all those other things. That he gets rid of. Except, uh, the ones that don't exist. Because why would you... need... to get rid of things... that... don't exist?"

Benny shook his head from where he stood, still at the snack table, eating nachos. If he weren't already dead he might have to kill himself from secondhand embarrassment. He'd never heard Cecil botch a public speaking opportunity at all, much less this badly. Even Stella was faceplaming across the room.

"You know those are only going to rot in your stomach," Bella said, suddenly beside him. Benny stiffened, but at least he managed not to jump. He did not look at her and continued eating his nachos.

"They might just, but ask me if I give a fuck," Benny said. "Void, this speech is awful. Did he lose his touch while I was out?"

"Not a bit," Bella said. "He's just not used to saying anything positive about Steven."

Cecil went on. "For an event like this it's important to-- Uh, I mean, it's always important to.... But, well, when it's such a great milestone.... Family! Family is so very very important, and also other people that you love. And that love you, too! We all love Stella, and Stella loves us, so that's great, but she also, uh.... I mean, it's her father so you can't really blame-- Well, if Steve happened to show up, we should, uh.... Probably not leave?"

"I think I'm going to unplug the speakers," Bella said.

"You can't possibly think this is a threat."

"I don't know what you're talking about, dear," Bella said.

"Right." It seemed that the one who'd lost his touch was Benny. "I didn't--" But Bella was already gone. A moment later Cecil's voice cut out.

***

Cecil sat at his table, his head in his hands. The music was back on, the DJ not having let Cecil resume his attempted speech once the speakers were plugged back in. Carlos and Stella were on either side of him, each rubbing one of his shoulders.

"My career is over," Cecil groaned.

"You did great," Stella said. "Thank you for that. It was beautiful."

The music stopped suddenly, as did all conversation, and the hall was completely silent. The three looked up and around, gazes stopping at the door where Steve stood, Kevin a bit behind him. They weren't the only ones--every eye  in the building was locked on Steve.

Kevin gave Steve a light shove and the man made his cautious way to Stella's table. He flashed a nervous grin here and there. No one smiled back, but no one left, either. Steve took a seat next to Stella and folded his hands on the table. The music came back on and everyone resumed their conversations and merriment.

***

With that weight off her mind, Stella was free to enjoy herself, chatting and dancing with her friends. Steve watched her, fiddling with his punch and not really drinking it. Kevin put his hand on Steve's leg, getting his attention.

"Hey, gorgeous," Kevin said. "Do you want to dance?"

"Kevin, we've talked about this," Steve said.

"I know, but you don't seem to be having fun."

"I'm doing all right," Steve shrugged. "It's just that everyone's aggressively pretending I'm not here." To prove his point, he waved at one of the parents, who turned away so fast she tripped over a chair. Steve cringed. "She'll probably hold that against me, too."

"We knew this was the best-case scenario," Kevin reminded. "But if it's bothering you, I can give you enough attention for everyone here combined."

"Thanks for the offer, darling," Steve said, "but I'd have to be pretty smashed to make out in public."

"That's fine," Kevin said. He started to get up. "I'm gonna go get some nachos."

"Kevin, wait." When Kevin met his eye Steve said; "I could _get_ pretty smashed."

Kevin smiled. "I'll get you a drink."

***

Benny did give a fuck. With pulses of pain stabbing his gut from the inside out, Benny _did_ give a fuck that all the food he'd eaten at the party wasn't going to go anywhere. He wanted to throw up. Not that he felt physically compelled to do so, but it seemed like the best way to rid himself of this pain that made his normal background ache seem like a joke.

It was on his way to the restroom that Benny spotted Steve and Kevin, on a single chair and passionately making out, and Cecil, sans Carlos and watching them with mild distaste. The pain was getting steadily worse; Benny was going to have to deal with it soon. But after Cecil's--admittedly awful--attempt at praising Steve, he needed to know if he really had come back just in time to see the results of the plan he'd died for fade away. He steeled himself and slid into place next to Cecil.

"Disgusting," Benny said. His arms were folded tightly in front of his stomach.

Cecil gave a jump. "Benny. I didn't see you there."

Benny ignored this; of course he hadn't. "I can't believe Steve would _dump_ you, then turn around and hook up with someone _exactly_ like you."

"He's not _exactly_ like me," Cecil said. "He just looks like me. And honestly, there was a six-year gap, which was my fault, so I can't really blame him for going for it."

Benny switched angles. "But a _Desert Bluffian_?"

"I know, I can hardly stomach it myself," Cecil said, making a face. "But Steve's not Night Valean. Not really. Besides, that's my fault, too. I sort of ruined his chances with anyone in town."

That was it, then. Cecil was over it, and Benny's death had been in vain. His very permanent problem was the price for a very temporary solution.

"So I guess you're going to start saying nice things about him on the radio?" Benny asked, shifting his weight from side to side.

"Masters, no," Cecil dismissed. "He's still a government-bashing spoilsport. Just because I don't hate him anymore doesn't mean I don't think he's wrong."

That was good enough for Benny.

"That's surprisingly reasonable."

Cecil smiled. "Carlos likes when I'm reasonable once in a while. Not all the time--then it'd get boring. But once in a while."

"Yeah, yeah, that's great." Time to go. "NicechattingwithyouCecil." He sprinted the rest of the way to the restroom. Cecil frowned after him.

"What the shit?"

***

The crowd was mostly gone when Stella approached Cecil and Carlos next to the snack table, which was currently being packed up by the cleanup crew.

"You 're here pretty late," she said.

"We're waiting for Benny," Cecil explained. "He walked here and I wanted to offer him a ride home."

"Also it was a pretty great party," Carlos said. "I think even your dad had a good time."

They looked over to where Kevin was still straddling Steve's lap, their hands moving over each other and their mouths connected.

"It looks like he's _still_ having a good time," Stella said. "I should get him home."

"Go right ahead," Cecil said. "Thank you again for the invite."

Stella approached her father and hesitated a moment before tapping his shoulder from arm's length. "Dad, do you need me to drive home?"

Steve pulled back from kissing Kevin and looked at her for a moment, processing her question. "No," he said with a shake of his head. "Kevin's fine. He can drive."

Because of course, Kevin _didn't_ need to drink to make out in public. He pulled the keys to Steve's Corolla out of his pocket, where he'd put them when Steve traded them for his first drink. "We're ready whenever you are, Stella."

***

"Seriously, what is taking Benny so long?" Carlos asked. "Does he even _need_ to use the bathroom?"

"He shouldn't," Cecil sad. "I'm a bit worried."

"Do you think he's got a case of undeadgestion?"

Cecil stared. Carlos grinned. Cecil turned away and started for the restroom.

"Don't say that in front of him," he muttered. Carlos' smile dropped and he followed. When they entered the restroom, they found Benny kneeling in an unlocked stall. The toilet he was hunched over looked much cleaner than they would have expected.

"Benny, are you okay?" Cecil asked, even though it felt like a dumb question.

Benny looked up at him weakly. "It seems that the answer to the question 'should I eat?' is no, I should definitely not." He groaned. "I tried to throw up, but it didn't work."

"Well, come on, let's get you off the floor," Cecil said, putting an arm around Benny and helping him up. He looked at Carlos. "What do you think, cutecumber?"

"Hospital," Carlos said.

"The hell are they gonna do for me at the hospital?" Benny demanded, letting them guide him out of the restroom just the same.

"They could pump your stomach, for starters," Carlos said. "Why does everyone doubt my advice?"

Benny winced. "Right. Sorry."

"A better apology would be letting me keep a sample of what they pump."

"Carlos!" Cecil snapped.

"Sorry, babe."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steve's singing is fine. It's his accent that's bad.


End file.
